Are YOU a Mom?

You know, I never imagined my life would change so drastically when I had my children. There are times where even I amaze myself at my intense mommy-skills. But how do you know when you are really a MOM? I have come up with a list here that may make you giggle at first, and then realize that you too are a Super Amazing Mother.

1) Instead of running from projectile vomit, I run towards it. It is easier to wash my hands than to steam-vac the carpet!
2) A night out with adult beverages requires more recovery time than major surgery, including two sick days!
3) I do more in seven minutes than most people do in seven hours.
4) Vacations have gone from sunny beaches and booze by the pool, to grocery shopping alone.
5) Instead of dollar drafts of skunky beer, Happy Hour is now the 60 minutes between when the kids go to bed and when my head hits the pillow.
6) My nutritional pyramid has changed its definitions of "nutritional." Wine is made from grapes, grapes are fruit, therefore: Wine now counts as a daily serving of fruit! And we all know that a well balanced diet requires 3-4 servings of fruit, right? Wait, is that just the wine talking?
7)) Who needs to pay for therapy? I will have mini-therapy sessions all day long, even with strangers! I will tell anyone with an ear and the will to listen about my issues, even if they are deeply personal and in "mommy talk." Example: bumping into an elderly, distant relative who politely asks how the children are, without any real interest and I respond: "My daughter STILL refuses to wipe her own butt when she makes a stinky in the potty so I always have to do it AND check her underwear for any remains from the day so I know when to treat for stains or throw them out and buy new big girl panties!"
8) I can experience Heaven (hugs, kisses, snuggles, and "I love you's") and Hell (stepping on legos, wiping boogers, "you're mean!") multiple times a day.
9) It is two in the morning. My significant other is snoring, loudly. My bedroom door is closed. The kids' bedroom is three rooms away and their door is closed. The heat just kicked on so there is a humming noise. And I STILL hear a sneeze followed by a cough and then a whimper. A cold has reached a small one! I am able to get out of bed, without waking my darling, sleeping SO and able to walk down the hall, get the kid out of bed and find the cold medicine....all without turning on a single light.
10) Sex life? What is that? Where are my flannel jammies at?? Point me towards my bed please....with my pillow and my giant down comforter! (Ok to be honest, this one does not really apply to me. I don't even own any flannel pajamas and my sex life is, well--at risk of TMI--outstanding! But I know there are many of you out there who feel like this, thus why it is on the list!)
11) I have heard some women speak of something called a "Spa" where they go to get pampered and relax. Here I thought that was what my 15 minute shower ALONE was for!
12) Sometimes I would like to pee by myself....oh that is out of the question now? Well damn it then. I guess I should just get used to the audience.
13) I use baby wipes for EV.ER.Y.THING. Kid sneezed? Baby wipe. Spilled coffee on the floor? Baby wipe. Dash of my car is dusty? Baby wipe. Seriously, NOTHING will ever come in as handy as baby wipes.
14) I HATE being sick, with a passion, but I would much rather have a 103 degree fever instead of my tiny humans. Probably because the instant they get sick, or at least start showing symptoms, it is too late and they already have pneumonia and have to be admitted to the children's hospital. (Ahh, the life of preemies!)
15) You know when you go to the hospital and they ask you about your pain level on a scale from 1-10? I no longer have that scale. My pain can be registered on a four tiered system: pain, excruciating pain, Kidney stones or stepping on a Lego.
16) Sometimes, I wish I could have the stomach flu. Just so I could have diarrhea and lock myself in the bathroom and have some time to myself. Actually, I might pretend to have diarrhea tonight, just to catch up on some reading!
17) Every mom has seen that ecard about hiding in a closet and carefully unwrapping a candy bar as to not make any noise so you do not have to share, right? Well, it is true. And I may or may not have my own secret stash of chocolate in my house because frankly, I just do not want to share sometimes.
18) How many times do YOU wash a single load of laundry? While many of you are answering, "just once, why?" in a very confused and concerned voice, I am washing the same load of laundry for the fourth time because I keep forgetting to dry it and now it smells....again.
19) Everyone has their own favorite television programming, right? Well, apparently mine is anything on Disney or Nick.... for at least 30 minutes after my children have been in bed....because I could not find the remote and was too tired from the day to look for it. And to clear, I hate the yellow sponge with buck teeth. He is the worst.
20) I love hearing how other people have accomplished so much during their day and all I can think to myself is, "Well, the kids are up, dressed and fed....I am showered and brushed my teeth....And nobody has died; seems like a successful day to me!"
21) I can talk on my cell phone, carry my 35 pound son, have my purse on one shoulder and carry 2 gallons of milk and 7 bags of groceries up 2 flights of stairs while yelling at my daughter to stop picking her nose....all at the same time. It is called multi-tasking people, and it is a handy little skill to have!
22) I have a car. I love my car. I do not have to pay on it, it is mine, for as long as I want it. Which at this point will be forever. First, because I cannot afford to have another bill to pay every month. And secondly, because no detailing shop in the universe could get out the stains from spilled beverages or ground in poptarts out, no matter how hard they tried.
23)It is amazing how good a can of Chef Boyardee Spaghetti can taste after a long day! Seriously, I wish I could make meatballs that tasted that good!
There you have it readers, 23 reasons that make me realize how much my life has changed since bringing my tiny humans into this world. Can you relate? What would you add to this list? Leave us your comments below!

The Next Step

The love of my life and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary in November and it has been every thing that I could have dreamed of--I would not want to imagine my life without him in my future. In the first 12 months of our relationship, he has become a very big part of my family, a very important part at that, but I often felt like things were incomplete because I had not met his 3 tiny humans. I knew that when he was comfortable with me meeting them I would, and I did not push him to make that decision because I did not want him to feel pressured and I did not want him to resent me for "forcing" him to make a decision that he was not ready for. I wanted him to make that choice on his own, when he was ready for it.

I am writing you today, readers, to let you know that I am beaming from ear to ear and have been since Saturday. Why, you ask? Because not only was this Thanksgiving our first time going to each others family holiday events, but I got to meet his kids.

That is right readers: he took that giant leap forward and let me meet his tiny humans. I could not be happier. What made it better was that my tiny ones and his tiny ones got along GREAT! And his three seemed to be really comfortable with me--I was even allowed to take the oldest one to get a new charger for one of her electronics, just her and I!

Later, he asked them each individually what they thought about me and while the youngest two just said something general along the lines of "I liked her," the oldest told him I was a "9 out of 10!" Needless to say, I am very happy with the outcome of our first meeting and I look forward to slowly getting to know them each more as we move into the future. Everything is exactly how I hoped it to be readers, and that makes this mommy beyond happy.